For Goodness’ Sake, Love Yourself!

Early on I learned to build a bubble around me and not let anyone too close. I thought people couldn’t see it and if I continued to be a good person and help others, I would be safe. But certain painful experiences have shown me what I was truly protecting myself from.

It is very difficult to have a good relationship with people that take everything personally. It makes it hard because you have to tip toe around them constantly, measuring the words you say so they are not offended by something you might have said inadvertently and they took it as direct offense. When people take things personally like that, it makes me wonder what they think of themselves, do they feel good enough? do they think the world is out to get them and have to constantly defend themselves from the attacks of others?  I want to shout out,  love yourself for goodness’ sake!  Of course, then I think, why am I taking this personally? why is this bothering me so much? Why do I even need to talk about this? Yes, thank you, this is my lesson.

Don’t get me wrong, I think we all need to vent and get our feelings out. This could easily turn into gossip if we are not careful, into a pity party looking for others to side with us and reassure us that we are still good people and we did nothing wrong. They are the ones that made the mistake and judged us! we did nothing wrong, right? Wrong. When we look close at our own co-dependence and insecurities, we are the ones who might have made the mistake.

Sometimes we make the mistake to try to save others, to help them or make them feel better, but in reality we are just trying to act selfishly in order to gain their appreciation and value. We try to be a good friend so they appreciate us, looking for approval and acceptance, but still feeling insecure and trying to buy admiration and love by doing things that didn’t ask us to do -out of the goodness of our hearts.

When others confront us, our first instinct is to close the doors and to wish to move somewhere far where we don’t have to deal with this kind of drama, but that only creates distance and isolation and solves nothing. Sure, start fresh, go somewhere else where people don’t know you and could just leave you alone, but this problem will follow us because it is not other people’s problems, it is our own. Venting, writing it down, letting it cool down and let it go is a better strategy; we shouldn’t run away or hold on to things for long or we’ll live in misery for the rest of our lives.

In the bible it says that it’s easier to look at the speck of sawdust in another person’s eye than to see the log in our own. This is what it is all about. We could get mad about what another person did to us, but the real work is within us. Can we let it go? Is it about letting it go? What do we need to learn about this? How can we keep a relationship healthy while we both grow and learn?

Here we go again, thinking that others have to “grow” and “learn” too. We don’t need to be worrying about anybody that is not asking for our help. We need to work on ourselves.  There seems to be an underlying need for control, making sure that everyone is happy, that things are taken care of, and that everyone is getting along, and for some reason, we are responsible for it. When did we sign up for that? Why is it our job to make others happy?

Whenever others get mad at me, I remember my psychologist supervisor who shared his own experience with his fiancee and how she appeared to take things personally, but all she did was call on his misalignment, when he wasn’t being truthful about what he wanted or feeling at the moment for whatever reason. He was able to recognize that in himself and make proper adjustments. I want to be like him. I have ways to go though.

Being completely honest with people is scary because not everyone is going to like what you have to say and most people avoid confrontations. I am one of them. It is hard for me to let people know how I truly feel and I tend to tolerate many things, making me passive aggressive and avoidant, which is exactly what bothers me about other people .

The truth is, this is about being honest and facing rejection, not looking for perfection. The fear of rejection is so deeply ingrained in us that it can mask itself as many things, like righteousness, being concerned, perfectionism, or avoidance, but it hurts people and creates mistrust. I have tiptoed around people so much that I have created a bubble around me that others can see but none can penetrate. It is tiring trying to keep it up.

I used to be very straight forward before I moved to the States, but then I kept inadvertently offending people and it made me wary of ever being truly honest again. If someone is open to receive feedback and asks directly, then I can tell them carefully what I see, but if they don’t, I tend not to say a word or decide to help without being asked and get the same ugly results. I’ve masked the pain of rejection with “they have their own path” and my bubble got bigger.

People would say I was enigmatic, like I was hiding something, and the truth is, I was, I didn’t let people in because I wanted to be perfect and not let people see my mistakes. Thanks Dad! Making mistakes meant to me rejection and a blow in the face. I was so afraid of imperfections that I hid some parts of who I am because I didn’t believe I had the perfect life regardless of how good it was. My life will never be perfect, I know that now.

When I was young, my dad would resort to using harsh ways to make corrections to my mistakes. I learned to save myself by either hiding, or pretending to be perfect. Perfect grades, perfect behavior around him, perfect obedience, or hide by going to sleep extremely early or behind jokes and laughter. When I made others smile, I felt accepted. It was a hard task with my dad though. No matter what kind of clowny acts I performed, he saw my fears and insecurities and pointed them out, which made me feel inadequate and not enough to deserve his love and appreciation. I didn’t want his full attention, I just wanted to be enough for him, enough to deserve love or an encouraging word, enough to deserve appreciation for who I was and the things I did. I kept hurting because I kept looking for this appreciation outside of me.

I’ve always hated people being mad at me. I wanted everyone to think that I was great, beautiful, smart and had the best personality. I was truly afraid that people would see the entirety of me and realize that I was not good enough. I was afraid of falling in love with someone and not be good enough for them. I wanted to be perfect and whenever I’d realized it was impossible, I would go into fear, jealousy and insecurities and all of the emotions I didn’t want. I liked myself and I thought I was pretty awesome, but it was that last bit of imperfection, the part I couldn’t achieve no matter how high I reached, that kept me in a bind.

Most of the time I can shake these insecurities, but sometimes they take over. I sometimes want to be so perfect -I know I am not- that I get paralyzed and do nothing. On the other hand I know I can’t achieve perfection and when I feel loved and accepted with my faults and mistakes, I get insecure and I go into fear and mistrust. Either way I lose.

I love myself and I like who I am but I still have the remnants of “I’m still not perfect” that kill me. I can’t keep blaming my dad for it. It kills me because when I want something really bad and I’m not allowed to have it, I blame myself for not doing or being perfect to deserve it. Then, I push people away because I don’t want to be reminded of what and why I can’t have what I want and I force myself to keep working on being perfect so I can finally deserve it, a never-ending cycle.

I want to be more honest with people, not try to save others or gain their appreciation for me. I will never be perfect and I need to stop trying. People will be disappointed in me, that’s inevitable. I want to love my imperfections and not try to hide them. As I’m writing this, it doesn’t matter anymore if other people get mad at me or not. That is their  work and I still have mine to do. It doesn’t take away from how much I appreciate other’s friendship, it just teaches me to love myself and take care of my own feelings.

Even now these thoughts that are jumping at me; share this in a way people won’t think you have problems; write it in 3rd person; don’t publish it; don’t let people see your imperfections, if people ever liked this article they won’t like the others; this blog is not perfect yet, not enough; re-read it one more time and fix your mistakes, and so on. I’m sure I’m not alone when it comes to thoughts that negate our value and make us feel small. What I want to do is become aware of them every moment, challenge and change them as soon as I see them because I don’t want to live inside this bubble any more and I want to free myself.

Feeling bare,


Ong Namo Guru Dev Namo

I don’t call myself a Yogi, Buddhist, Christian or any other religious or spiritual association. I am an explorer of spiritual life and I practice what works for me. I believe that there have been wise men and women who came to share with us how to connect with our highest self and experience divine love, regardless of religion. These enlightened beings are what some people call the Ascended Masters, Jesus, Buddha, Confucius, Saint Germain, Mother Mary, Sanat Kumara, Amma and many more.

I want to share a Kundalini Yoga mantra I connected with this weekend. The vibration of this chant touched the depth of my body and soul. I recorded what vibrated for me (I’m not a singer). I hope it inspires you to chant as well.

Ong Namo Guru Dev Namo

When you chant this mantra you are calling for the highest vibration to be present within you and around you. These sacred words carry a particular energetic vibration and only your own voice can match a specific frequency that connects you to that energetic link between you and All-That-Is.
One translation of this mantra is: “I honor the All-That-Is. I honor the Divine wisdom within myself” (similar to Namaste).
Chant this mantra before your yoga practice or any time you want to vibrate high and tap into the energetic grid of wisdom available to all.


Visualization Meditation for Healing and Protection

I was guided to create this visualization to assist in clearing negativity, hate, anger, intolerance that has been lurking around on earth.
If this is not your cup of tea, don’t listen to it, this might not be for you.
Before going to sleep I asked to be shown how this healing might happen and I was awoken in the middle of the night with these images in my mind. I hope you enjoy it and works for you. If you need additional assistance, contact me.


Perfection is a lie.

Even when trying to write this I’m aware of my fear of misspellings and imperfections (thank goodness for auto-correct).

Perfection is an illusion.

Something we all strive for but nobody gets.

Read the full article here


January 18 – Winnie-The-Pooh Day

Deep in the Hundred Acre Wood where Christopher Robin plays,
you’ll find the enchanted neighborhood of Christopher’s childhood days.

I cannot help remember with fondness the endless times my daughter and I watched Winnie The Pooh when she was little. I felt inspired to write this article one afternoon and I was going to write about all of the shadow aspects of each character but, realizing that very soon was going to be Winnie The Pooh Day, I decide to focus on what I can learn about each character instead.

Here it is. I hope it inspires you.

Winnie The PoohPooh – Stay in the present moment, be kind, look at the bright side of every situation, accept
yourself, enjoy the sweet things in life, be honest.


Tigger – Be proud of your talents and uniqueness, be excited about life, bounce off challenges, laugh at yourself, be ok with making mistakes.

Piglet – Ask for help and support, honor your feelings, be polite, acknowledge your limitations but don’t give up, take care of your home.Piglet and Rabbit

Rabbit – Grow and harvest what you eat, be a leader, share, work hard, keep your space free of clutter, enjoy time alone, have values, surrender.

EeyoreEeyore – Even when you don’t feel the happiest, stay connected to your friends, forgive, release expectations, there is wisdom in facing your sadness.

Roo – See the world through the eyes of innocence and wonder, have fun, be respectful to your family and elders, love, enjoy life.Kanga and Roo

Kanga – Be kind, be flexible, have compassion, nurture yourself, be of service.

OwlOwl – Educate yourself, share stories with others, recall the things that make you happy and proud, look at things from a different perspective, be polite.

Christopher Robin – Build a community of support, be of service, celebrate, stay connected with nature, play, use your imagination, have fun.Christopher Robin




Disney story based on A. A. Milne’s original books

Winter Solstice Vision Board and Weekly Meditations

The weekend before the solstice, (Dec 19 in Spanish and Dec 20th in English) I’ll be facilitating a workshop, Creating an Energized Vision Board. In addition, weekly meditations will start every Monday at 6:30pm in my office in La Jolla. Limited seating.

weavesilkWinter’s Solstice is a time for celebration of the light. It is the darkest time of the year and marks the rebirth of the light, a great opportunity for renewal and manifestation.

In this workshop we’ll focus on enhancing the energetic flow of words, images, and symbols to match our highest vibration. We’ll meditate and tune in to Divine Guidance to assist in creating a board that reflects our inner light and wisdom and we’ll connect with our soul’s guidance to show us what it is in our highest interest to create for ourselves and for humanity.

Limited spaces available since this will be an intensely focused experience. Address will be sent upon confirmation of your participation. Location is Rancho Santa Fe, CA.

Taking it personally

What a lesson I learned! After writing an article about not taking things personally, my Daughter and motherdaughter changed plans on me and I got mad. I tried expressing my feelings of hurt to her but that didn’t go very well. We ended up fighting and me feeling like a hypocrite. What went wrong? Why did I take it personally? What can I learn from this? What can I preach to myself that can help me change this feeling of frustration?

I replayed the conversation over and over in my mind trying to look for clues as to what I should have done differently.

I realized that, first of all, I didn’t feel heard so, I pretended to have a conversation with her (in my mind). I explained to her, with much vulnerability, all of the things I have done and sacrificed for her arrival, not to make her feel guilty but to identify why her actions had affected me so much. I quickly realized that I was acting in a codependent mode and that I needed to release attachment to the way things needed to be.

Ouch! What a lesson! I am so glad I was able to play it out in my mind before I laid on her guilt trips. I will share with her the lessons and growth.

So, of course my article had to include this painful piece and the awareness that came with it.

I chose to believe that every person is innately good (including myself) and I look for that in every interaction and every conversation I have with others. I’m not naive nor a saint. I just make a choice. Daily. It’s not an easy choice because all around us we are bombarded with reasons why we shouldn’t trust people or why the world is evil.

I chose to give the benefit of the doubt because each person, in their own eyes, is right. We just haven’t had the chance to hear each other, or we just simply reject their opinion because it’s different from ours. Values are important, don’t get me wrong; they keep order and respect in a community.

The difference I want to point out here is, we can take things personally or we can try to understand and see if there is common ground. This requires openness of mind. To hear each other’s point of view without judgment or preconceived ideas is a monumental task. Just because something doesn’t match our values or beliefs doesn’t mean it’s wrong, we just have to find what benefits all.

This task requires that we look deep within and take responsibility for our feelings, actions, beliefs, and judgments. It requires that we recognize our part in everything we do, say or create. If we take it personal, we blame and judge, we stop listening and become victims. If we suspend judgment, acknowledge our own process, and attempt to see things from different points of view or perspectives, change and co-creation happens. Freedom happens.

If we wait for others to change so we can feel better, then we are placing control of our life, emotions and outcomes in the hands of somebody or something else and we relinquish responsibility for our own life. Your life is yours. How you choose to experience it is your choice. You can chose to take things personal and feel victimized or you can choose to be the co-creator of your experience and manifest what you desire most.

What would you choose?

I chose love.