My Story

I’m Dr. Nancy De Andrade and I’d like to share a little bit of the path that led me to embark on this journey of helping others.

When I was 15 years old I wanted desperately to run away from home. Without going into too much detail, I’ll just say that I was miserable and knew that I could no longer live in such toxic environment.

I had it all planned out. I would move in with my best friend’s family, drop out of school and get a job. I imagined how peaceful and happy my life was finally going to be when I moved away. I couldn’t wait!

But then my friend’s mom said I needed to stay home and figure my life out. Ouch.

Even though it was not the answer I wanted to hear, it was the one I needed to hear, because as hard as it was to live at home with my abusive, helicopter parents, I would have missed the most important lessons of my life. 

What happened in the following years changed me and showed me the path to my purpose (even though I didn’t know it then).

My oldest sister was like a mother to me. As often as she could, she mentored and guided me, and somehow knew I needed help. At the time, she was enrolled in a training program to facilitate workshops about psychology and personal growth. As luck would have it, the program allowed her bring someone to the workshops for free.

Lucky me!

She introduced me to the most transformational workshops on personal growth, self-esteem, communication, personal excellence, meditation, and even retreats! I was exposed to so many valuable experiences that truly changed my life for the better. I became more confident, happier, forgiving, and assertive. Armed with the tools and the thirst for more expansion, I finally moved out at the age of 18. 

However, life was harder than I had envisioned, and I hit a wall.

Out in the world of regular interactions, my assertiveness was mistaken by arrogance, I was wronged for being straight-forward, and was called names for speaking my truth. Even family members would say things like: “Who do you think you are?”, “You think you are better than everyone?” “Don’t throw that psycho-babble at me!” and so much more. 

It was confusing and hurtful, and honestly, I didn’t enjoy feeling rejected and isolated, so I  conformed to belong”, and adapted to my current environment and culture. I became extra careful with my words so people would not get hurt (or hurt me), I tiptoed around others, I “toned-down” my personality, and became a people pleaser,  making sure everyone was happy… everyone except me.

Unknowingly, I became codependent.

It struck me one day, when I was visiting my brother. He frankly pointed out that I was not the same happy person he remembered. He said I looked worried and much too serious. The reality was that I felt unhappy, insecure, anxious, and stuck. 

Inspired by this epiphany, (and feeling tired of living depressed and anxious), I set course to learn a more comprehensive and holistic approach to take charge of my mind, body, and spirit. I hired a mentor, attended countless workshops, and even went back to school to complete a PhD in Psychology.  

I learned as much as I could about the body-mind connection, codependency, self-esteem, healthy communication, boundaries, spirituality, mindfulness and so much more. I became obsessed with self-awareness and personal growth and applied this knowledge in my years of practicing psychology.

As I implemented what I learned, my life improved. I started my own coaching practice and became more confident about my talents and skills, more assertive in my approach, and more clear in my requests. I learned the right way to set boundaries, the most effective way to speak one’s truth, the most compassionate way to engage with others, and the most loving way to treat one’s self.

I continue to share the specific strategies I find most effective with my clients. They benefit greatly as I provided them with cutting-edge, holistic techniques to improve their body, mind, and spirit. I’m blessed to continue to witness amazing transformations, and see many of my clients go from feeling insecure, depressed, anxious, and taking a passive role in their lives, to feeling confident, empowered, loving, clear and enlightened.

I know my journey doesn’t end here. My purpose is to continue learning and sharing this knowledge with as many people as I can. My aspiration is to make an impact in the lives of hundreds of thousands of people and help them experience a more empowered and authentic life filled with love and confidence. 

My journey continues and I would like for you to be a part of it. Would you join me?

Sign up here

 

Guidance to find your purpose

This is a short video with a simple yet powerful technique to connect to your guidance and ask the right question to find your purpose. I hope you practice it!

How I completely destroyed my confidence and what I did to rebuild it

Have you ever felt like a fraud? Have you ever feared that one day everyone will find out who you truly are, that you don’t know as much, and are not as good as they think?

I have spent countless amount of time and energy making sure that what I say or do is always correct. I thought it was a sign of intelligence and striving to improve myself. I thought it was a challenge to rise above mediocrity and educate myself ad nauseam.

What I didn’t realize was that I was actually relentlessly destroying my self-confidence.

This constant search for the absolute truth was only creating more doubts. The famous saying, “I know one thing, that I know nothing” always rang true. I learned to challenge everything, including my own beliefs, likes and dislikes. I learned to research and study to no end, to the point that I didn’t stand for anything with passion because “there is always another point of view that I might not have considered”.

Heaven forbid I’m wrong! Being wrong was actually deadly in my mind.

It took me many years to realize that I cannot waver in fear just because someone doesn’t agree with me or because I might not know it all. Fear keeps us away from our passion and purpose. Trusting, the opposite of fear, doesn’t mean we don’t make a stand for what we believe, it means letting guidance show us the way.

By relinquishing the need to be right I was able to trust the unfoldment of events as they are meant to occur. Trusting is easy when things go well, not so easy when challenges exist, but when I don’t trust, I lose control; when I try to control, I go into fear -a deadly, nasty, vicious cycle.

I realize that my mission is to stand strong in my belief in Divine Guidance and share my experience of love and light with others. In my practice I try to see my clients’ life from their point of view and try to find the “right” course. In my most powerful sessions, I have relied on my spiritual guidance to find the path that best serves my clients, not the path my mind believes they should follow.

The same way I teach others to trust their guidance, I too must stand in this undeniable truth that we are guided. I have seen miracles happen when I’m in the sanctuary I create for my clients and we surrender to guidance. In that space, there is no right or wrong, but a deep trust that things happen for a reason. In that space it is not about being confident of my own abilities but confident in the Divine guidance we are receiving.

Wishing you confidence, passion, guidance and trust,

Nancy

10 Ideas de Como Crear un Ambiente de Paz en el Hogar

El hogar es nuestro refugio, donde soltamos las cargas y recargamos las baterías. A veces llevamos el estrés a la casa y lo dejamos allí, y convertimos nuestro hogar en un lugar tóxico.

Las responsabilidades, los niños, las finanzas, la salud, nuestras relaciones con otros, la política, los problemas mundiales, las tragedias y los cambios inesperados, todo crea un estrés excesivo, sobre todo si son situaciones que están fuera de nuestro control.  No quiere decir que cierta cantidad de estrés no sea saludable, lo dañino es cuando el estrés comienza a adueñarse de nuestra paz, de nuestros dulces sueños, de nuestra paciencia, nuestra tolerancia, y nuestra salud.

Cuando experimentamos un nivel de estrés excesivo y constante, las glándulas del nuestro cuerpo buscan el balance segregando una hormona llamada Cortisol. Cuando las glandulas adrenalinas segregan cortisol, el objetivo es regresar el cuerpo a su homestasis a traves del aumento del azucar en la sangre y supresión del sistema inmunologico. Una vez que el estrés disminuye, las glandulas paran de segregar esta hormona y el cuerpo regresa a su funcionamiento normal.  Cuando tenemos un estrés crónico y excesivo, el nivel de cortisol es elevado lo cual comienza a invertir los beneficios y el cuerpo comienza a sufrir. No dormimos bien, sentimos la necesidad de tomar cafe para tratar de mantenernos despiertos, nos enfermamos, nos dan ganas de comer alimentos que no nos benefician, nos da acidez estomacal, se nos olvidan las cosas, nos sentimos fatigados, ganamos peso, nos duele todo el cuerpo, y nos deprimimos. Un estrés constante y excesivo es destructivo.

El estrés puede tener sus beneficios, si es moderado. Muchos estudiantes pueden reconocer el beneficio del estrés cuando tienen que estudiar la noche anterior a un examen, o una persona en ventas tiene una cuota que llenar y se acerca el fin de mes. El estrés nos motiva a completar projectos que de otra manera lo dejaríamos para después. Un estrés moderado nos ayuda a enfocarnos, nos permite estar mas alertas y recordar ciertos cosas con mas facilidad.

El hogar es el lugar donde deberíamos soltar el estrés y relajarnos pero muchas veces hay tanto estrés en nuestra casa que el trabajo se convierte en nuestro refugio.  Evitamos llegar a casa porque nos sentimos incómodos y no logramos recargar las baterías. Día tras día se acumula el estrés y al final recurrimos a actividades insalubres como el alcohol o irnos de compras que, aunque provean una aparente relajación temporal, terminan creando mas estrés en nuestras vidas. Cuando nuestro hogar no es armonioso, nuestra mente lo interpreta como un lugar de guerra, un lugar donde hay que estar en constante vigila. Esta tensión constante crea un estrés nos perjudica.

Como crear un ambiente de armonía en nuestro hogar?

Mira a tu alrededor y comienza a escribir una lista de las cosas que te molestan pero que has tolerado desde hace mucho tiempo, el bombillo quemado, la alfombra en la entrada que se esta cayendo a pedazos, la gaveta que no cierra, los libros acumulados en una esquina, la ropa sin guindar, etc. Poco a poco comienza a arreglar esas cositas y te darás cuenta de que tu mente percibirá abundancia, orden, y seguridad. ¿Cuantos viajeros no se sienten a salvo en un hotel donde las manillas de la puerta funcionan, el mantenimiento de la habitación ha sido realizado regularmente, y las alfombras están limpias? La mente capta lo que esta roto o defectuoso como algo inseguro y comienza a preocuparse por resolver ese problema, y si nunca se soluciona se acostumbra a lo defectuoso.  Nos acostumbramos a dejar que las cosas se estropeen, inclusive en nuestro cuerpo, trabajo, dinero y relaciones.

El segundo paso es darte cuenta de cuanto espacio libre hay en tu hogar, cuantas cosas has acumulado a través de los años, las areas que están desordenadas, o abandonadas, como fluye la energía en tu hogar. Imagínate que abres la puerta de tu hogar y caminas con los ojos cerrados. Te lastimarías con cada paso que tomes? Así funciona el Feng Shui. La energía debe fluir en tu hogar con naturalidad. Utiliza el estrés como motivación para mover las cosas y hacer espacio para que fluya la energía. Poco a poco ve deshaciéndote de cosas que no utilizas, donalas o regalalas, abre espacio para que fluyan las cosas y sientas la expansion. Si te cuesta deshacerte de cosas que honestamente no te son útiles, revisa con un consejero el porqué de tu apego.

A veces no nos damos cuenta en el desastre en que vivimos sino hasta que invitamos a alguien para que nos visite. Si estas limitado de tiempo, contrata a alguien que te ayude a limpiar o  limpia un area de tu casa a la vez. Por ejemplo, comienza con el area del baño. Y si el baño tiene muchas cosas que mejorar, ataca un proyecto a la vez, como el lavamanos. Cada espacio que termines, aunque sea pequeño, es un éxito. Cuando termines, utiliza un manojo de salvia seca y quemala como incienso por toda la casa para limpiar las energías tóxicas acumuladas. Video: Como usar la salvia

 

Una vez que tu hogar este limpio, ordenado y con suficiente espacio, es hora de mejorar la energía ambiental.

Las siguientes son 10 ideas de como crear un ambiente de armonía y paz en tu hogar.

1. USA AROMATIZADORES O INCIENSO PARA IMPREGNAR EL AMBIENTE CON FRAGANCIAS DE ACEITES NATURALES QUE TE AYUDEN A RELAJARTE, COMO LAVANDA O MENTA.

El sentido del olfato es uno de los mas desarrollados en los seres vivos. Así como los animales pueden oler al enemigo, los humanos también podemos percibir, memorizar y asociar aromas con eventos placenteros o desagradables. El crear un ambiento agradable en nuestro hogar ayuda a la relajación y a la asociación con el placer.

 

 

2. PRENDE VELAS O BAJA LA INTENSIDAD DE LAS LUCES PARA CREAR UN AMBIENTE SUAVE A LA VISTA. UNA  LUZ SUAVE LE DA LA SEÑAL AL CEREBRO QUE ES HORA DE RELAJARSE.

Es natural despertarse al salir el sol y estar activos durante el dia. Al final de la tarde, es importante comenzar a prepararnos a descansar. Las luces de baja intensidad crean un tono de suavidad en el ambiente y señalizan el comienzo de la noche, donde dormir con absoluta oscuridad es ideal para el descanso profundo.

 

 

3. ADORNA TU HOGAR CON FLORES FRESCAS O PLANTAS VIVAS.

Las plantas purifican el aire y remueven elementos tóxicos, ademas de mejorar la salud mental y contribuir con tu salud en general. Las plantas ayudan a mejorar la calidad del aire dentro del hogar.

 

 

 

4. MANTÉN TU HOGAR ORDENADO Y CON UN MÍNIMO DE COSAS A LA VISTA.

El desorden distrae y crea tension, el orden transmite sensación de calma y paz. Cuando un hogar esta desordenado, el caos disminuye el rendimiento y aumenta el estrés.

 

 

 

5. PON MÚSICA SUAVE O QUE TE HAGA SENTIR FELIZ.

La musica tiene la capacidad de reducir el estrés, disminuir la presión arterial, y cambiar el humor. Dependiendo de lo que tengas que hacer (ordenar o descansar), la música puede darte ánimos o relajarte y ademas ser un acompañante ideal para estas tareas.

 

6. MANTÉN EL AMBIENTE FRESCO, ABRE LAS CORTINAS PARA QUE ENTRE AIRE FRESCO Y LA LUZ DEL SOL.

La luz del sol provee vitamina D, la cual ayuda a disminuir los sintomas de depresión. El aire fresco es importante no solo para mover la energia estancada, sino tambien para mejorar la respiración, el sistema inmunologico, y el nivel de energía, así como para disminuir la ansiedad y el estrés.

 

7. COLOCA CAMPANAS DE VIENTO SI TE GUSTAN.

Campanas de viento, un comedero de pajaritos, o un pequeño jardín son adiciones al hogar que nos mantienen conectados con la naturaleza. La conexión con la naturaleza nos mantiene arraigados y nos ayuda a relajarnos. La naturaleza es perfecta, aun con las ramas torcidas.

 

8. USA LAMPARAS DE SAL Y CRISTALES DE AMATISTA O CUARZO BLANCO.

Cuando estamos constantemente expuestos a las conexiones eléctricas, el teléfono, las luces incandescentes, o las computadoras se crea un exceso de energía positiva que desequilibra nuestro estado natural. Las olas del mar, las tormentas eléctricas, o diferentes movimientos de agua, crean iones negativos que ayudan balancear la corriente eléctrica en la tierra. Las lamparas de sal y los cristales ayudan a crear y aumentar los iones negativos para balancear la energía en nuestro hogar y cuerpo.

 

9. CAMINA DESCALZO.

Similar a la corriente de electricidad del agua, la superficie de la tierra esta cargada de electrones que proteje al cuerpo de la inflamación gracias a sus efectos antioxidantes. El caminar descalzos, si es posible en contacto directo con la tierra, nos recarga y nos ayuda a mantenernos arraigados y conectados con el presente.

 

10. LEE UN LIBRO EN VEZ DE VER TELEVISION.

Estamos rodeados de aparatos electrónicos que nos sobreestimulan y nos educan a esperar recompensas instantaneas. El leer un libro nos ayuda a cultivar la paciencia y tolerar la incertidumbre, ademas de estimular la creatividad y la calma.

 

ESCOGE UN RINCON ESPECIAL PARA MEDITAR Y CALMAR TU MENTE.

Crea un espacio en tu hogar dedicado a rejuvenecerte a través de la meditación o contemplación. Este puede ser el lugar donde rezas, o te concentras, donde nada pueda interrumpir tu paz, aunque sea por 15 mins al día. Usa cojines cómodos y date permiso de no tener que hacer nada por ese espacio de tiempo. Tu mente te lo agradecerá.

 

El hogar es un refugio donde soltamos las cargas y no relajamos, el lugar donde encontramos la calma, el orden, y la paz y donde nos recargamos cuando estamos vacíos.Cuando creamos un ambiente de paz en nuestro hogar, nuestra mente lo interpreta como un lugar que no require preocupación y es seguro. Un hogar de paz, tranquilidad y armonía nos ayuda a sentirnos protegidos, a descansar y recuperarnos del estrés. Un ambiente de paz y armonía en nuestro hogar invita a la relajación, al cuidado propio, a expresar amor por quien somos y lo que nos rodea.

 

For Goodness’ Sake, Love Yourself!

Early on I learned to build a bubble around me and not let anyone too close. I thought people couldn’t see it and if I continued to be a good person and help others, I would be safe. But certain painful experiences have shown me what I was truly protecting myself from.

It is very difficult to have a good relationship with people that take everything personally. It makes it hard because you have to tip toe around them constantly, measuring the words you say so they are not offended by something you might have said inadvertently and they took it as direct offense. When people take things personally like that, it makes me wonder what they think of themselves, do they feel good enough? do they think the world is out to get them and have to constantly defend themselves from the attacks of others?  I want to shout out,  love yourself for goodness’ sake!  Of course, then I think, why am I taking this personally? why is this bothering me so much? Why do I even need to talk about this? Yes, thank you, this is my lesson.

Don’t get me wrong, I think we all need to vent and get our feelings out. This could easily turn into gossip if we are not careful, into a pity party looking for others to side with us and reassure us that we are still good people and we did nothing wrong. They are the ones that made the mistake and judged us! we did nothing wrong, right? Wrong. When we look close at our own co-dependence and insecurities, we are the ones who might have made the mistake.

Sometimes we make the mistake to try to save others, to help them or make them feel better, but in reality we are just trying to act selfishly in order to gain their appreciation and value. We try to be a good friend so they appreciate us, looking for approval and acceptance, but still feeling insecure and trying to buy admiration and love by doing things that didn’t ask us to do -out of the goodness of our hearts.

When others confront us, our first instinct is to close the doors and to wish to move somewhere far where we don’t have to deal with this kind of drama, but that only creates distance and isolation and solves nothing. Sure, start fresh, go somewhere else where people don’t know you and could just leave you alone, but this problem will follow us because it is not other people’s problems, it is our own. Venting, writing it down, letting it cool down and let it go is a better strategy; we shouldn’t run away or hold on to things for long or we’ll live in misery for the rest of our lives.

In the bible it says that it’s easier to look at the speck of sawdust in another person’s eye than to see the log in our own. This is what it is all about. We could get mad about what another person did to us, but the real work is within us. Can we let it go? Is it about letting it go? What do we need to learn about this? How can we keep a relationship healthy while we both grow and learn?

Here we go again, thinking that others have to “grow” and “learn” too. We don’t need to be worrying about anybody that is not asking for our help. We need to work on ourselves.  There seems to be an underlying need for control, making sure that everyone is happy, that things are taken care of, and that everyone is getting along, and for some reason, we are responsible for it. When did we sign up for that? Why is it our job to make others happy?

Whenever others get mad at me, I remember my psychologist supervisor who shared his own experience with his fiancee and how she appeared to take things personally, but all she did was call on his misalignment, when he wasn’t being truthful about what he wanted or feeling at the moment for whatever reason. He was able to recognize that in himself and make proper adjustments. I want to be like him. I have ways to go though.

Being completely honest with people is scary because not everyone is going to like what you have to say and most people avoid confrontations. I am one of them. It is hard for me to let people know how I truly feel and I tend to tolerate many things, making me passive aggressive and avoidant, which is exactly what bothers me about other people .

The truth is, this is about being honest and facing rejection, not looking for perfection. The fear of rejection is so deeply ingrained in us that it can mask itself as many things, like righteousness, being concerned, perfectionism, or avoidance, but it hurts people and creates mistrust. I have tiptoed around people so much that I have created a bubble around me that others can see but none can penetrate. It is tiring trying to keep it up.

I used to be very straight forward before I moved to the States, but then I kept inadvertently offending people and it made me wary of ever being truly honest again. If someone is open to receive feedback and asks directly, then I can tell them carefully what I see, but if they don’t, I tend not to say a word or decide to help without being asked and get the same ugly results. I’ve masked the pain of rejection with “they have their own path” and my bubble got bigger.

People would say I was enigmatic, like I was hiding something, and the truth is, I was, I didn’t let people in because I wanted to be perfect and not let people see my mistakes. Thanks Dad! Making mistakes meant to me rejection and a blow in the face. I was so afraid of imperfections that I hid some parts of who I am because I didn’t believe I had the perfect life regardless of how good it was. My life will never be perfect, I know that now.

When I was young, my dad would resort to using harsh ways to make corrections to my mistakes. I learned to save myself by either hiding, or pretending to be perfect. Perfect grades, perfect behavior around him, perfect obedience, or hide by going to sleep extremely early or behind jokes and laughter. When I made others smile, I felt accepted. It was a hard task with my dad though. No matter what kind of clowny acts I performed, he saw my fears and insecurities and pointed them out, which made me feel inadequate and not enough to deserve his love and appreciation. I didn’t want his full attention, I just wanted to be enough for him, enough to deserve love or an encouraging word, enough to deserve appreciation for who I was and the things I did. I kept hurting because I kept looking for this appreciation outside of me.

I’ve always hated people being mad at me. I wanted everyone to think that I was great, beautiful, smart and had the best personality. I was truly afraid that people would see the entirety of me and realize that I was not good enough. I was afraid of falling in love with someone and not be good enough for them. I wanted to be perfect and whenever I’d realized it was impossible, I would go into fear, jealousy and insecurities and all of the emotions I didn’t want. I liked myself and I thought I was pretty awesome, but it was that last bit of imperfection, the part I couldn’t achieve no matter how high I reached, that kept me in a bind.

Most of the time I can shake these insecurities, but sometimes they take over. I sometimes want to be so perfect -I know I am not- that I get paralyzed and do nothing. On the other hand I know I can’t achieve perfection and when I feel loved and accepted with my faults and mistakes, I get insecure and I go into fear and mistrust. Either way I lose.

I love myself and I like who I am but I still have the remnants of “I’m still not perfect” that kill me. I can’t keep blaming my dad for it. It kills me because when I want something really bad and I’m not allowed to have it, I blame myself for not doing or being perfect to deserve it. Then, I push people away because I don’t want to be reminded of what and why I can’t have what I want and I force myself to keep working on being perfect so I can finally deserve it, a never-ending cycle.

I want to be more honest with people, not try to save others or gain their appreciation for me. I will never be perfect and I need to stop trying. People will be disappointed in me, that’s inevitable. I want to love my imperfections and not try to hide them. As I’m writing this, it doesn’t matter anymore if other people get mad at me or not. That is their  work and I still have mine to do. It doesn’t take away from how much I appreciate other’s friendship, it just teaches me to love myself and take care of my own feelings.

Even now these thoughts that are jumping at me; share this in a way people won’t think you have problems; write it in 3rd person; don’t publish it; don’t let people see your imperfections, if people ever liked this article they won’t like the others; this blog is not perfect yet, not enough; re-read it one more time and fix your mistakes, and so on. I’m sure I’m not alone when it comes to thoughts that negate our value and make us feel small. What I want to do is become aware of them every moment, challenge and change them as soon as I see them because I don’t want to live inside this bubble any more and I want to free myself.

Feeling bare,

Nancy